As Eaten On TV

Game Time

Dear Marisa,

your analysis of CCF was pretty spot on, I just have a couple questions.  Well, actually, first, I think that the decor of CCF is something like what movie directors in the 20’s thought Egypt looked like, but I still don’t see the connection between cheesecake and glamorized Nile life.  On to my two questions:

1.  What do you mean your Burger being so big it came of TWO rolls?  This makes it sound like you were expecting an open faced burger, which would be kinda awesome.  Also, why were you ordering a full burger when you could get sliders? Just sayin…..

2.  What are “Bang Bumps”?  Is this like when girls have a little puff of hair at the top of their head?  Like what scarlett johansen does a lot?  Just curious, because “Bang Bumps” sounds like something 13 year old boys from the suburbs call girls’ buttocks.

you also referenced Outback Steak house.  This made me go back and read your review of said restaurant.  I gotta say, while some of your points may be valid, I have been reading up on the Outback lately.  Based off these readings, in the words of Elaine 2.0 “I want to go to there.”  Reasons:

1. I love fried food.

2. I love steak and the reviews I have read have been great.

3. I love ribs, and the reviews have been great.

4. (For the vegetarians) Apparently their Salads are fresh and unbelievable.

In all, I will most definitely be going there this winter break and will provide a second opinion for this blog.  This is not to devalue Marisa’s esteemed position, I just want to experience it for myself, and Marisa is welcome to join, although it might well be a mainly guys event (like the trip to the ‘Bees).

Sincerely,

Gabi

p.s. I am BACK IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.p.s. I would like to apologize to our readers and Marisa for never going to/reviewing the Bogota Hooters.  I can tell you though from just walking by it that that place is poppin off on saturday nights, was the only place I heard T-Pain’s music coming from in Colombia, and had Valet parking.  Stay Classy Bogota Hooters, stay classy.

The Cheesecake Factory

Something about angsty teen movies makes me want to shove my face with mini burgers and cheesecake in a dark, noisy environment. As you might recall, when I saw what Gabi calls “Nick and Norah’s Movie for Patrons of Urban Outfitters” I went to the Cheesecake Factory immediately after, only to discover that it was excessively bumpin’. So last night after seeing the teen vampire romance “Twilight,” I bravely endured the table wait to get what I wanted. Just like Mormon vampires wait for true love before making their mortal girlfriends undead!

So after 20 minutes killing time at Borders, we finally got seats in the bar area, in between an obese mother-daughter team who had just gone holiday shopping and a greasy looking businessman explaining the importance of education to his seven year old daughter (“It’s ok if you want to be a photographer, but with an MBA…an MBA… you can be a photographer and make money.”)

As we waited for our food, I isolated the things I dislike most about CCF:

1. There are advertisements for Florida-based jewelry stores in the menu.

2. It’s unclear whether the decor is faux-Egyptian or a faux-Art Deco take on faux-Egyptian.

3. There are more Bristol Palin-style bang-bumps (Ya know? Like what I did in 2004 when my bangs got greasy? But some people never stopped doing it?) per square yard than anywhere else in the continental United States. I blame the fact that we were in the biggest mall in Rhode Island.

After the food came (I got a burger with carmelized onions and mushrooms) I pondered its redeeming qualities:

1. The portions are obsene. My burger was so big that they served it on two rolls, meaning that I stuffed myself like nuts and still had food to take home and eat while I’m watching Laguna reruns the next morning.

2. There are so many delicious types of cheesecake that you could go every week for a year and still eat a type you like. Kat and I split the dulce de leche cheesecake and were not disappointed.

That leaves us with a 3:2 liability/asset ratio: far from ideal, but not quite Outback Steakhouse caliber.

Marisa

IHOP

Listen, I’ve been slacking. I don’t have a car at school and it’s getting too cold to walk to the AEOTVs in downtown Providence. This means that breaks, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, are AEOTV bonanzas for me. With no further ado, I give you the International House of Pancakes.

The IHOP I went to with Lisa, Riva and Kara is on a traffic island in Brighton halfway between Brookline and Watertown, meaning that I passed by it on the way to school for nearly 10 years. Although I’ve only been to this location once before, I’ve heard about it non-stop my entire life because of the proximity to school and home, and the fact that my father worked there as a bus boy when he was in high school. He doesn’t actually talk about the job, but rather he tells the same story over and over and over again about fighting a guy named “Tony el loco” who worked in the kitchen after work one day.

Anyways.

What a better time to go to IHOP then two days after Thanksgiving when I’m finally tired of eating leftovers? Besides, it was really nice out along the Charles River on the way there, and there were guys selling Christmas trees in the parking lot. Oh, to be trashy on a brisk New England morning.

Like many of its AEOTV competitors, IHOP menus are laminated pictures of sterilized foods that will undoubtably disappoint. To illustrate, this is a picture of Lisa’s face after finding out the “International Crepes Passport” she ordered only comes with one crepe:

Bummer. 

I believe Lisa’s exact words were “This is does not satisfy me at all.” She should have followed my lead and ordered the “Viva la French Toast Combo,” because it was pretty satisfactory. 

Before:

After:

Don’t you feel satisfied just looking at that sequence? Like you have a belly full of french toast and nothing planned for the rest of the afternoon? Yeah, that’s what it felt like.

Presto: Classy? Maybe?

Hey Ammuurrica!

G. Luis Manga here. Sorry for my absence of late.  I have actually been pretty busy, kinda.  Last weekend I was fortunate enough to get to go to Manizales (sp?) which is one of the Coffee capitals of Colombia.  A little outside the city there is a Coffee themed amusement park that my cousins and I went to.  You go in, and you walk down this huge hill and see all the different kinds of Coffee that Colombia produces and how it is harvested.  Then at the end you ride rollercoasters (which by the way did not seem that secure) and drive go-karts.  It was pretty fun, but the best part of the trip was by far the drive from Bogota to Manizales.  It was 6 hours of twisting roads through the Andes mountains and awesome, dare I say breathtaking, views.

But enough about my travels, on to the main event, Presto.

I consider Presto “AEOTV” because it is kinda in between El Corral and El Corral Gourmet in terms of food, classiness, etc. (if you don’t get that reference please see my previous review of El Corral Gourmet).  I ended up sampling a lot of Presto’s food last week because it is very close to the office where my internship is and ordering is very easy (ordering in spanish at restaurants almost always ends in awkwardness for me).  So far I have tried there “Clasica” , “Premium” , “Napoli” , and “Azteca” burgers as well as their chicken sandwich.  They have a couple other options too, such as a “Light” burger, which looks really weird, for instance everything looks the same except that the the bun is white, like almost translucent looking white.  Who knows though.

My first time eating at Presto I ordered the “Clasica” combo, which comes with fries and a drink.  What in my mind puts Presto above El Corral is that at Presto they then proceed to bring your food to your table.  They also have a TV, which allowed me to watch Colombian day time television as I ate my lunch.  The “Clasica” is your basic hamburger.   I loved that it came with Mayonaise on it, even if it didn’t come with cheese.  The Fries were surprisingly good, but the best part is that they come with a side of what tastes like Tartar (sp?) sauce.  I love mayonaise with my French Fries, and Tartar sauce is even better.  Fun fact, the Fries are made by “McCain” who also makes “Elios’ Pizza.”  Given my house didn’t have a microwave until I was about 14, those delicious toaster oven cooked Elios Pizza squares were a fundamental part of my childhood.

The following day I decided that I should try another burger, this time going for the “Premium.”  From the picture on the menu, it looked like the Premium came with bacon, which makes sense given how many things in Colombia come with bacon.  However, I came to find out that what I thought looked like Bacon was actually caramalized Onions.  I like caramalized onions, but I really have to be in the mood for them.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t, but the burger was still good.  Once again the food was delivered to my table and came with papas al frances y un gaseosa.

The third day of my Presto journey was the day I decided that the only acceptable reason for me to eat there for three days straight was that I was going to write a review.  So as the women at the cash register looked at me like “your really unhealthy, why are you eating here so much you gringo” I went on and ordered the Chicken Sandwich.  It sucked.  You know when you order a breaded chicken sandwish and it is delicious and crispy on the outside, with all the juicy flavor locked in on the inside?  Yeah, that didn’t happen.  The breaded element just seemed soggy and the chicken sucked.  I also realized that Presto also has one of the strangest wall art pieces I’ve seen in a while.  It is a guy eating a burger, but then off of him in a sort of hallogram/bad trip way it repeats the same image.  Adjacent to this is writing that in my mind translated to something like “That first bite of the burger is delicious, I look forward to it and everything is perfect, 14 times this week.”  Needless to say, don’t go to Presto if your tripping on shrooms/acid.

Day four I went for the “Napoli.”  This is a burger with mozarella cheese, marinara sauce, and semi-fococcia bread with a tomoto grilled on top.  It was great.  I love foccacia bread, even if I can’t spell it.  And adding a burger to it makes it that much better.  The Brookline Spa, who already has delicious Foccacia sandwiches such as the epic “Uncle Junior”, should really have a burger that comes on that bread.  My only complaint was that there was a little too much marinara sauce.  This was however, my favirote burger there.

My fifth and final journey to Presto I decided that I needed to once again venture into the unknown.  I ordered the “Azteca” burger.  I thought that it kinda looked like a Big Mac in terms of the condiments on it.  It turns out, that it goes a step further.  Though it lack the three slices of bread and is only one patty, the Azteca comes with (are you sitting down?) ………….frito like chips on it.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!unfortunately, the chips were kinda stale.  However, the idea is great, and the burger was still decent.  Throw some fresh fritos on that thing, and you got a winner Presto my friend.

Presto also has some other burgers and options, all of which you can view here: http://www.presto.com.co/catalogo.aspx?cid=2

they also have a burger called the “Hamburquesa” which is play on words of course.  It is basically a double cheeseburger, plus a shitload of cheese sauce.  I love cheese, and even cheese sauce, but the picture makes it look fucking disguesting.

All in all, I like Presto, but I’m gonna try and not go there for atleast a week.  It’s classier than El Corral, but not as classy (or tacky) as El Corral Gourmet.  They also deliver, which I thought was cool/dangerous.  I’ll try and come back with another review sooner.  Across the street from Presto is a Hooters, which could be hilarious.  Almost as hilarious as the fact the the TGI Fridays down here has commerciales that say “Aqui en Fridays, Siempre es Viernes”  I found that funny, given that in Colombia the restaurant should probably be called “Gracias a Dios esta es Viernes” or “GADE Viernes.”

Pop culture side note:

I imagine a decent amount of our readership is familiar with the show 30 Rock.  I personally love it, and am dissapointed that Hulu doesn’t work in Colombia and I therefore had to hunt down the season premier online.  Well, the other day I was watching Seinfeld, with spanish subtitles of course.  It became apparent to me that Elaine on Seinfeld and Tina Fey’s “Liz Lemon” character share many of the same traits.  Watching Elaine I saw many of the same mannerisms, problems, situations, and speech patterns as Liz Lemon.  Maybe this is because both characters play the “I’m a quirky women in the city” role?  Just sayin.  The only big difference is that Elaine got a shitload more ass than Liz Does.  I don’t see Liz Lemon needing a closet full of sponges anytime soon.  But then again, both Denis (liz’s ex) and Puddy (Elaine’s on again off again man) are very similar.  I’m not hating on Liz Lemon or Tina Fey (who by the way is looking real good this season), I am just thinking outloud that NBC kinda new that Elaine worked, and might have told Tina Fey to create a similar character who was just a little more sexually frustrated.    By the way David Puddy has his own wikipedia page.